Can I Scam A Washington?
I recieved a call today from an old associate who I haven't spoken to in some time. In the course of our conversation, he brought up this twinkling gem in the eye of the internet and I had to be honest with the fact I've been a stale cracker as of late. I'm looking to change things up a bit seeing that bitching about the government isn't "doing it" for me like it used to. That and it's probably the reason why I am on the goverment watch list, which if you have the auspicious honor to be part of this exclusive "who's who" you know it's a son of a bitch to get to a flight in a timely manner.
That being said, I mentioned I was trying to shift gears and wanted to do more with this turd but lacked time and money. That's when he passed an innocent comment that got the ball rolling on what I believe is my best idea to date. You, the reader, can help this tiny beggar child flourish by donating one stinking dollar to the "Bigger, Badder, Totally Kick-Ass Larkins Way Fund"
That's right, by floating me one dead president, you can help to transform this ugly duckling into the most beautiful bell at the ball. This is a deal so sweet, I'm getting cavities just thinking about it.
Now I know you're probably saying, "What do I get for a buck, Murph?" Good question. Here's what you get: The chance to do me a solid and build the Larkins Way into a mighty force and it's also a tax write-off. Unless you pay federal taxes, I forgot to sign the part of the form that makes that possible. Are you a fan from another country? No problem, Paco! Just go outside, smear some dirt on your face and weasel a gorgeous George from an American tourist. They're stupid and will probably think you are some helpless waif. Take that Godless infidels! For your troubles, I will contact them personally and yell, "You've been had by the Larkins Way, bitches!" in your native tounge, assuming it's english.
Seeing that you're going to be part of the rebirth of this hovel, I'll let you in on some of the particulars that are planned. First, the grooming of the Larkins way new mascot, Mr. Kibbles. I found this little scamp sleeping in a trash can in the alley next to the office and while he was a little feral at first, a warm bowl of milk fixed that right up. Now he spends his days running around my office and napping on the couch. Why he's at my feet right now curled up like the cutest little angel. But he needs a little spit shine and we aren't bringing in the scratch to make that possible. So, if not for me, do it for Mr. Kibbles.
Second, I'm buying Omeletteville's soul back from the devil. He sold it on the condition that MSU would win the nation championship this year. We all know how that panned out. That's why you haven't heard from him in awhile. As of right now he is suffering eternal pain and torture the likes our feeble mortal intellect could never comprehend or imagine in the lowliest pits of hell. Oddly enough I met the devil when he came to collect and he lookes suspiciously like the Vice President, only with more charm and compassion.
Next is capital to start up my Hookers for Humanity project. The Larkins Way is always looking to give back to the community and this seems the best way to go and this site would make the perfect launchpad for my dream. If capable, you will be able to utilize this site to meet and greet the lady of the night of your dreams. Also, I might pay the bills for once.
As you can see there is alot that needs to be done if this site is going to recieve the recognition it so rightfully deserves but it's going to take the help and determination of you, the faithful readers to bring this vision to fruition. This isn't another half baked internet scam to bilk the clueless out of money, it's just one dollar I need to borrow for an unconfirmed amount of time to get the ball rolling on exciting and fantastic new avenues of Larkins Way entertainment. Remember, Mr. Kibbles is counting you you.
So email me and let me know your intentions to give one for the team.
