Apathy Is My Co-Pilot.

Apperntly W was on the T.V. tonight. I wouldn't know. Right about the time he was sleazing up the airwaves I was busy tuning in to a cheeseburger and frankly, it had a captivated audience.

I can imagine somewhat how his speech went down, " I'm the president! Energy! Energy! Energy! Social security privatizationism! I dress myself!"

It's getting to the point where I hate turning on my television or reading a paper. This business of his slack-jawed style of presidenting is so contrived and frustrating that I finally have given up caring. The jackasses that be are going to continue on their self-righteous path of dissimulation and hoodwinkery no matter what the cost or repercussions.

The kicker is, we, the people get to foot the bill and pay the price for the next three and a half years of his presidential monkeyshines. His administration is turning into the kid brother who runs around the nieghborhood throwing rocks at the bullies and then comes to us to kick thier asses when they get pissed.



I'm not really sure what the hell I was getting at with that last statement but it would appear we're all about to get screwed so we best relax, grab our ankles,close our eyes and hope it's over soon. There's a rooster in the hen house and it looks like the feathers are going to be flying something fierce.

If you're anything like me and I'm sorry if you are, but enough is enough and watching these glib bastards chip away at what many good men and women sacrified time, energy and lives for is terribly disheartning. Especially so seeing there are just as many suckers eating it up like so much deep-fried goodness. The fact that we are where we are today should be a testement to the decline of our collective entity of a country as a whole. It would actually be kind of amusing if it were another country and not so frightening.

So says I.

Oh, Really?

Ol' W keeps beboppin about crowin' on how his magnificent, patented "War On Terrorism"™ is keeping the world safe by keeping terrorists on the run by invading countries that have weak ties to terrorism at best. That is, until after we invade. Then there's so many "evil-doers" it makes sense that we're there.

I make that last statement becuase it leads into this statement; "Report Shows 2004 Rise in Terror Attacks"

Now I know what you're thinking "This must be the work of that commie-liberal, leftwing media conspiracy!" Nope. Sorry, slick. Dems be government figures being reported, to the tune of three times what had been reported in 2003. And guess what? Go ahead, guess... WRONG! If you can believe it, much of the increase has been traced back to freedom loving, democracy whoring Iraq. Who woulda thunk?

It appears congressional aides got a "what-what" from a briefing recieved from federal officials. It stated there were about 650 "significant" terror attacks, up from 175 in 2003 and that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are in fact, no longer friends.



Now last year, it was reported that there was a decline in significant incidents of terror in 2003. Then a correction was issued showing an increase. Those incouragable scamps! The original numbers had been used by W's senior administration officials to inflate, sucsessfully it appears, W's claim of sticking it to terrorism and the man. But seeing he IS the man and he really couldn't stick it to himself, the latter also proved to be false. Yet, no one seemed to care enough to question why he's a douche.

In a lovely quote provided by Rep. Henry Waxman, D-Calif, he muses, "There appears to be a pattern in the administration's approach to terrorism data: Favorable facts are revealed while unfavorable facts are suppressed,"

Hell, there are some incidents that are not reported in Iraq because they are not considered international attacks. This is a disaster of a country where we blew billions of dollars to restore order and terrorist attacks are up nine fold in 2004 from 2003. Sweet!

Server Problems

We're back! Sorry about that. Turns out it's NOT a good idea to host a website with your Playstation 2.

What The Hell Is On My Shirt?

What IS that thing?

Now that I have your attention, let's talk turkey. Energy turkey that is.

The House passed it's wizz-bang energy bill which include alot of tax breaks (12 billion weeping Washingtons) and a fantastical, wonderific clause shielding MTBE (A nasty little gasoline additive) producers from liability lawsuits if, Alec Baldwin forbid, ground water is contaminated by thier magic elixer. A concern, democrats noted because it could cost me and you billions in clean up costs. Mostly you. I don't pay taxes.

Just kidding. Last thing I need is an audit.

8 billion of of those tax breaks are going towards promoting coal, nuclear, oil and natural gas industries, because, let's face it. They need a break right about now.
2 billion more is going towards research and recovery efforts in extremely deeps parts of the Gulf of Mexico for oil, gas and Spongebob Squarepants.


*Fun Facts*
!Many MTBE producers are located in Texas.
!Tom DeLay has been a tour de farce behind MTBE industry assistance and obtaining scratch for deep-water drilling research.
!Spongebob Squarepants promotes homosexuality and must be stopped at all costs.

Contest!? You bet!

So you think you're better then me? Then lay it on me. I'm going above Omelettville and Smokey and laying down the guantlet. You want to show Murph how it's done? Email me you best tripe and impress me. If you do, you get to be a contributer to this internet brothel.

Rules? there are none. Except that it has to make me laugh and not excede my level of offensiveness. My english sucks? show me how it's done. You have a witty insight? I'll be the judge of that. You think I'm a fool? Well, let me judge YOUR prose and if it has gusto, no, moxie, you get a spot on the Larkins Way team.

The spirit of free speech is alive and kicking. You want a shot at the five people who read this virtual turd? Show me you have what it takes. A shit load of you walk the walk but can you talk the talk? Any subject, any current event. Find your doctor and spin it.

This will be judged by all exsisting contributers. So bring your "A" game, becuase if it sucks, I'm going to showcase it here and ride you for the hapless naif that you are.

You don't know what a naif is? You already failed. I'm not looking for bitches. I want barbs, slings AND arrows. Oh, with a side of intellegence. You have been given your chance to prove your worth. So do it.

murph@larkinsway.info

Terrible. Just Terrible. (Reduex)

Well, they did it. Brittney Spears and her leach of a husband Kevin Spears have gone and thrown their two cents into the gene pool.

That's just what this country needs. Two individuals with horrendous taste and habits borderlining on trash making babies. At least she has the money to continue her meltdown into camp and support a kid.

But the thought of it just horrifies me.

*Never before seen content digitally re-mastered and re-released*



You all probably live somewhere where there is a trailer community close by. I have a sneaking suspicion some of you live in a trailer park. Well, go outside, knock on your neighbor's door and it will probably be those two wretches. Only they will have less shame and more money then you.

All right, go back into your "home on the go" and drink yourself into a PBR induced stupor over the complete hopelessness of it all. Good.

If any of you remember this skeezer from back in the day, her bubblegum pop blandness was harmless enough and almost necessary because of the amount of money that changed hands off of the exploitation of a half talented mousekateer.



After tramping it up a spell, she decided, for reasons only known to the wisest of men and poor white trash, that she had enough money to cool her heels and begin her slow descent into a the ultimate trailer park queen. She got married, divorced, then married again in a ceremony that would probably be considered tacky to the tasteless.

This is all culminating into the moment where she will give birth to a child with all the advantages of a rich white kid with one big disadvantage; trashy, unfortunate parents.

That's why this is the greatest country on earth.

Change for tomorrow today.

If you haven't noticed you can no longer post anonymously. You now have to have an account to sign in and comment. This is to keep people from posting as multiple users with comments like" U guyz r fags!!1!"

Also we want to know who we are reponding to which puts a little bit of a personal touch on every word we attack you with. Believe it or not, we do have a modicum of taste. No matter how miniscule it is.

It doesn't take long and isn't very difficult. So come on in, the water's fine.

Something I Made For Jeb

Shot At The Title

Well I'll be! It seems the Larkins Way has been sleazing around the internet for some odd 6 months now. Thank goodness the internet is the cesspool it is, it makes our drivel seem cute and harmless. Yay internet! Yay America! Now on with the show...



It would seem change is in the wind and it's starting with a country protesting a country that isn't the USA. USA: these colors don't run.

China is sticking it to Japan something fierce and not in the kinky Japanese mail order movie kinda way. It seems that China is a little upset over Japan's seemingly flagrant omission of thier wartime atrocities in WWII in Japanese history books.

Also, in a one-two suckerpunch to the mouth, Chinese protesters would also like to see Japan's bid to become a permanent U.N. Security Council member blocked. Japan calls it regrettable, I call it someone taking the heat off of our asses for a quick breather. Japan, you're alright. Besides the whole Chinese occupation and massacre and rape thing which you left out of your text books.



I keed, I keed. It's not like we've kept any of our dirty WWII laundry out of our textbooks.*WINK* Don't worry, I'm sure that China will remember that they rely on your country for an asslaod of aid and goods. Though, letting this get out of control probably is as good an idea as a show about Paris Hilton and that chunky monkey Nicole Richie.

In somewhat related news, by the by, India and China signed a border accord. It appears the two biggest populations in the whole damn world are shacking up and "jointly addressing global challenges and threats,"

OK, you may want to keep you're peepers peeled on that one.

A Literary Mess-terpiece

Tonight seems to be an opportune time to discuss something very dear to us here at Larkins Way: Librarians. Why? Rumor has it Omeletteville was sired by the mightiest librarian ever know in Northern Iowa. Or the mightiest hobo. I'm really not sure.

Why I'm bringing this up is because a librarian, Desiree Goodwin has lost her lawsuit against Harvard because she was repeatedly passed over for advancement because she was just "A pretty girl". There was also something about race and gender in there but that wasn't what the article or me, for that matter, was focusing on.

The lawsuit states she was passed over seven times and was told she was a joke and someone who "was seen merely as a pretty girl who wore sexy outfits, low cut blouses, and tight pants."

Apparently in the street justice world of library sciences, one has to earn his or her chops. But to be frank, I don't think Harvard library was quite ready for her sexed -up, vamping outlook on book keeping. That's the way is should be if you ask me. The pretty people of the world get all the breaks in life, leaving us the less fortunate looking to flounder and gasp in their attractive shadows. Only in libraries have the dowdy, frumpy, female masses and nerdy troglodytes found refuge. Now the beautiful people want that too.




But honestly, who could they have hired ahead of her with qualifications that were so substandard that it made this a crime, the blind and illiterate?

I know that last statement was a little insensitive, but honestly the blind and illiterate will never read this. Ever.

Please, don't get me wrong. I like libraries. I like books. Libraries have books. It's a marriage of convenience supreme, so I don't want to hear from any of you book trolls inundating me with awkwardly sarcastic and overtly erotic messages going on about whatever the hell it is you go on about. Unless it really is a doozy of a zinger. Face it, the world just hasn't come that far yet. Sexy librarians? Now I've heard of everything.

So, in conclusion, W's foreign policy is more of a hindrance then a panacea when it comes to building alliances with most world governments.