Spooky-ooky

It was a dark and forboding night, John felt more uneasy then usual, though it was a feeling that had been there for months. He sat in his armchair eyes fixed on the television. At that moment, the information he was so desperately waiting for came across the screen. Suddenly, the power went out and John found himself doubled over in the floor. The election creeper claimed another politician.

The following morning the news was all over, there was a hidious creature encamped in the White House. Along with this terrifying monster was a host of unspeakable boogey-men hell bent on keeping the American public scared and downtrodden.
These creatures spent any money that crossed thier paths, infringed on civil liberties, created havok the world over striking down any and all who opposed them, often times trying to break the very soul of any who stood up to them.

They fed off of fear, used lies and deceit to pigionhole a country and desguised thier wretched king of pain in the skins of a west Texas cowboy. An icy cold grasp was all that could be felt by those who did not follow.

It is said that on a night, much like tonight, if you look into a mirror and chant "Donald Rumsfeld" 3 times, the spirit of the insepid fiend will knock you out, steal your money and label you unpatriotic for questioning the "Beast of the West Wing".





Whooo-eeee! That was scary! Thank goodness it's just a legend. Or is it?

Happy halloween, everyone!

So, where ya been?

Osama's back in town and guess what? The attack on America was our fault after all.
That's right, American foreign policy is to blame. Now it's up to us, the people to bring security back to the people. Unfortunately, those policies are handled by the chumps we elect to act in our best interests, so to have him say it doesn't rest in Kerry's, Bush's or al Qaeda's hands is kind of rediculous. After all, it will be the policies of whichever elected official al Qaeda doesn't like that they will attack us over.

But wait, wasn't this a holy war? now it's political? Wasn't that the gimick of his war againt the ruskies, (besides the whole invasion of Afghanistan thing, which we were against but ironically we're sorta in the same situation now) and didn't we aid him? That's when our policies were on the up and up? Something doesn't jell here. Bin Lousy (This zing brought to you by Bush '04, Bush: We're not done screwing you yet.) then pulled the trump that if al Qaeda didn't like democracy, why haven't they attacked Sweden? There you go buddy, pull out the token nuetral country card.

What a damn mess.

Oddly enough, Bin Laden himself is critical of Bush for how Bush handled his attack on America. When the guy who got one over on you is criticizing you for how well he did, that's a bad scene.

Again, what a damn mess.

No pic today

Originally the idea was to offset the brevity of the post with a humorous pic, then the thought was to include a image of the individual to drive the point home, but ultimately it was decided to go with neither because it was, to me, all in poor fucking taste.

Another innocent civilian has been taken hostage for nothing more then trying to help.
Margaret Hassan, along with two other CARE International relief agency workers have been kidnapped by the Islamic Army and now are being forced to beg for their lives.
Margaret has duel Iraq-British citizenship. The same group has claimed responsibility for kidnapping 2 French journalists.

Another group, Abu Bakr al-Siddiq al-Salafiya Brigades have taken hostage of a woman with Iraq-Polish citizenship, demanding the withdrawal of Polish troops, which, from what I understand was already in the works.

This is what our magnificent freedom orgy has spawned? Thousands of innocent civilian’s killed and countless innocents abducted and/or murdered?
For what? Weapons that aren’t there? To bring freedom that is so rightly deserved to a host of mid eastern countries? If you didn’t know, they are tossing around genocide in Sudan, yet we are fighting the good fight in Iraq.

Another 4 years of this? The thought of it is too upsetting to consider.

Words of Wisdom from our Commander-in-Chief

"a political candidate who jumps to conclusions without knowing the facts is not a person you want as your commander in chief."

-George W. Bush, 10/27/2004, Regarding the 380 tons of missing explosives



Think about that for a second...

Are we there yet?

1109 casualties
8000 est. injured

$70 Billion more!! Wheeeeeeeeee!!!!

The Washington Post reported today that if re-elected, Bush will ask for $70 billion in additional funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. (My educated guess is that about $69.9 billion of that will end up in Iraq.)

This will bring the United States' cost of the Iraq war to $225 billion since the invasion of Iraq of last year. In case you went temporarily blind after reading these numbers, let me state that again: $225 Billion U.S. Taxpayer Dollars in about a year.

Just to put this into perspective, the Post reported:

Yale University economist William D. Nordhaus estimated that in inflation-adjusted terms, World War I cost just under $200 billion for the United States. The Vietnam War cost about $500 billion from 1964 to 1972, Nordhaus said. The cost of the Iraq war could reach nearly half that number by next fall, 2 1/2 years after it began.

Now, let's forget the fact that Bush refers to himself as a "compassionate conservative" for a second, because that title is far-too-ridiculous to put into words at this point. But let's not forget some of the countless assumptions this administration made for this war just a year or so ago...

• "And a year from now, I'll be very surprised if there is not some grand square in Baghdad that is named after President Bush. There is no doubt that, with the exception of a very small number of people close to a vicious regime, the people of Iraq have been liberated and they understand that they've been liberated." - Richard Perle, 9/22/03
  
  
• “There’s a lot of money to pay for this that doesn’t have to be U.S. taxpayer money, and it starts with the assets of the Iraqi people…and on a rough recollection, the oil revenues of that country could bring between $50 and $100 billion over the course of the next two or three years…We’re dealing with a country that can really finance its own reconstruction, and relatively soon.” -Paul Wolfowitz, 2001
  
  
• “There’s just no reason that this can’t be an affordable endeavor.” -White House Budget Director Mitch Daniels, 2001
  
  
• "I believe the people of Iraq will welcome out troops, and greet them with roses" - Paul Wolfowitz, 2001

$225 Billion. Gone. Poof!!

Which way did they go?

380 tons of explosives powerful enough to detonate a nuclear payload have come up missing in Iraq the IAEA has reported today. Did you hear that? 380 tons. Three hundred and eighty tons. The physical representation would be Roseanne covered in an about one ton of hotdogs, only slightly less volatile.

This isn't 'oops I lost my keys' This is 'I done fucked up fierce'

The explosives in question were under the IAEA's control right up until the war broke out in March 2003 and they hauled ass outta there. The first and foremost concern on everyone's mind now is they might have fallen into the wrong hands and therefore could be used for dastardly deeds.

The faux multi nationale force in Iraq and our tried and true Bush administration Iraq Survey Group have been ordered to investigate the disappearance and money's on old man Withers who runs the haunted amusement park, zoinks!

This is rather unfortunate considering that also earlier this month, an IAEA report that said high-end, dual-use machinery that could be used in a nuclear weapons program was also missing, was released. The White House press secretary was quoted as saying the president wants to determine what went wrong.

That's right. What went wrong. Excuse me, my brain just popped.

Now the obligatory pissing and finger pointing contest has begun in a grand fashion with concerns of what might become of this assload of death and in what sums up everything is now my favorite ridiculously obvious quote regarding this rather precarious situation:

"One would have to assume it's been stolen by someone who has some sort of nefarious purpose for it."

Nooo, say it ain't so!

In case you are wondering, this indeed has been spun into an attack on Kerry showing yet again this administrations extraordinary ability to project it's mistakes away from themselves and onto others to take the heat away from them:

"John Kerry has no vision for fighting and winning the war on terror, so he is basing his attack on the headlines he wakes up to each day,"

What did he say to deserve such piss and vinegar?

"If President Bush can't recognize his failures in Iraq -- which he doesn't admit, won't acknowledge -- you can't fix them. And then he's doomed to repeat the same mistakes elsewhere,"

If this whole mess is the Bush administration's "vision", they better get their eyes checked.

Update? Word!

So it seems old man Sinclair brodcasting who originally planed on airing "Stolen Honor: Wounds That Never Heal" isn't.

Now it's "A POW Story" which only shows snipits of the original incarnation of the film. They are saying that the full film was never going to be shown, and that was a factual inaccuracy.

the whole article, which is ridiculous, is here.

On an interesting note, a reporter in the ranks, who criticized the airing of the film, was fired.

So, hows 'bout that?

Newsmax.com sucks

I happened upon this article today, it is from right after the 2000 election where the author had the balls to elude to the idea that news coverage was trying to minipulate election results. Left wing conspericy was what it was refered to.
That's a bunch of whathaveyou looking back in hindsight, seeing Al Gore did in fact win.

This same website has reported that not only has the Bush admisitration not lost jobs, but it's creating them too. Apperently this website is a portal to an alternate universe. Newsmax leans so damn far right it physically hurts.

Honestly, there should be a banner that reads "America's news page will phalate G.W. for any reason whatsoever" Go give it a look, it would be laughable if it wasn't all real. Horrible. Just horrible. This isn't news, it's propaganda.

Welcome to hell, kid

-----Original Message-----
From: Murphy, Charles
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2004 4:50 PM
To: Killeen, Conor; Charney, John; McGuire, Jason; Bates, David;
Charney,Brian; Jones, Vince
Subject: RE: Election

I prefer 'fuckin' fascist'


-----Original Message-----
From: Killeen, Conor
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2004 4:39 PM
To: Murphy, Charles; Charney, John; McGuire, Jason; Bates, David;
Charney,Brian; Jones, Vince
Subject: RE: Election


when you pry them from my cold dead fingers...fascist!!!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Murphy, Charles
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2004 4:29 PM
To: Killeen, Conor; Charney, John; McGuire, Jason; Bates, David;
Charney,Brian; Jones, Vince
Subject: RE: Election



no, we just want your guns.

-----Original Message-----
From: Killeen, Conor
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2004 4:29 PM
To: Charney, John; Murphy, Charles; McGuire, Jason; Bates, David;
Charney,Brian; Jones, Vince
Subject: RE: Election


ok Murph...your turn for a rebuttle...start yippin' about Iraq and WMD
and Vietnam and Youngstown steel mills.


-----Original Message-----

From: Murphy, Charles
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2004 3:53 PM
To: McGuire, Jason; Killeen, Conor; Charney, John; Bates, David; Charney,Brian; Jones, Vince

Subject: RE: Election


http://www.laborresearch.org/story.php?id=327

http://zfacts.com/p/531.html

http://www.detnews.com/2004/specialreport/0409/26/a01-284666.htm

The study also looked at whether the recently enacted and proposed tax cuts signal a trend of lower taxes, or merely an economic anomaly.

"Due to an expected economic recovery, between 2004 and 2010, Tax Freedom Day is projected to increase by eleven days and fall on April 22. Thus, even with the current tax cuts in place, tax burdens will still tend to grow higher due to the nature of the graduated rate income tax structure. The expiration of [the Economic Growth and Tax Reform Reconciliation Act in 2010] is expected to push Tax Freedom back an additional seven days to April 29 in 2014," the study indicated.


-----Original Message-----
From: McGuire, Jason
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2004 4:31 PM
To: Charney, John; Murphy, Charles; Killeen, Conor; Bates, David; Charney,Brian; Jones, Vince
Subject: RE: Election


That's what I'm talking about! This was the whole purpose of the original email. Democrats would rather see a Democratic Candidate screw the country while in office then do let a Republican Candidate repair the prior Democrats mistakes.


And by the way:

The Facts Show Increase of Jobs Under Bush

Paige McKenzie, NewsMax.com
Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2004

The media and Democrats keep repeating it over and over: "2.3 million jobs lost" since President Bush took office. His could be the worst job record since before World War II, they claim.

One little problem: It's not true.

Not only has there been no net loss of jobs during the Bush administration, there has been a net gain, even with the devastation of 9/11. At least 2.4 million jobs have been created since the president took office, 2 million of those in 2003. The gains more than offset the losses.

While Democrats continue to beat their election-year drums about outsourcing, manufacturing losses, unemployment and slow growth in employment, Americas economy has been steadily creating jobs.

At least 366,000 jobs have been created in the last five months, over 100,000 of those in January, White House press secretary Scott McClellan has noted. And though the eight-month recession officially ended in November, economic indicators are surprising economists and pointing toward a take-off in the recovery.

The signs:

· The 5.6 percent unemployment rate is the lowest in two years and below the average of the 1980s (7.3 percent) and '90s (5.8 percent), and still continues to drop.

· The nation's economic output revealed the strongest quarterly growth in 20 years. The data for the fourth quarter of 2003 show that the civilian labor force rose by 333,000, while the number of unemployed in the labor force dropped by 575,000, and the number of so-called discouraged workers is less than .3 percent of the workforce, according to Paul Kersey of the Heritage Foundation.

· Consumer spending grew between 4 percent and 5 percent last year, and real hourly earnings rose 1.5 percent. Real earnings have risen over the last three years.

· Exports doubled to 19 percent in the fourth quarter, compared to less than 9 percent in the third.

· The number of American workers is at an all-time high of 138.5 million, a level never before attained in U.S. history.

· Jobless claims are 10 percent below the average of the last 25 years and still falling.

· Hiring indices are up, even in manufacturing.

· Productivity growth is extremely high.


Now the doomsayers are criticizing the validity of the unemployment rate, which at 5.6 percent does not fit their gloomy story.



-----Original Message-----
From: Charney, John
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2004 4:12 PM
To: Murphy, Charles; McGuire, Jason; Killeen, Conor; Bates, David; Charney,Brian; Jones, Vince
Subject: RE: Election


Where the information comes from is irrelevant, the fact of the matter is in the public "eyes" Clinton was viewed as a great president where as bush is was a "terrible" president. What about how many jobs were lost in the IT downfall during the later 90's early 2000 BEFORE bush was elected? Oh yeah that was bush's fault. The Primary Care Physician that Clinton voted for, Bushs fault to. Remember when a bill is passed it does not cure all problems/create them instantly. Clintons decision are what have created many of the mess we are in now. Proof of this you ask? Reganomics in the 80's. Clinton reaped the benefits from some great leadership.


-----Original Message-----

From: Murphy, Charles
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2004 3:53 PM
To: McGuire, Jason; Killeen, Conor; Charney, John; Bates, David; Charney,Brian; Jones, Vince

Subject: RE: Election

http://pa08.dailykos.com/story/2004/10/15/12220/328

finding this was a life saver

by the by, the original email was from some ultra christian right wing forum...


-----Original Message-----

From: McGuire, Jason
Sent: Thursday, October 21, 2004 3:26 PM
To: Killeen, Conor; Charney, John; Murphy, Charles; Bates, David;
Charney,Brian; Jones, Vince; McGuire, Jason

Subject: FW: Election

I'll know how to vote come November. Right now, we have one guy saying one thing. Then the other guy says something else.

Who to believe? Lemme see; have I got this straight?
Clinton awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Yugoslavia - good...
Bush awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Iraq - bad...
Clinton spends 77 billion on war in Serbia - good...
Bush spends 87 billion in Iraq - bad...
Clinton imposes regime change in Serbia - good...
Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...
Clinton bombs Christian Serbs on behalf of Muslim Albanian terrorists- good...
Bush liberates 25 million from a genocidal dictator - bad...
Clinton bombs Chinese embassy - good...
Bush bombs terrorist camps - bad...
Clinton commits felonies while in office - good...
Bush lands on aircraft carrier in jumpsuit - bad...
No mass graves found in Serbia - good...
No WMD found Iraq - bad...
Stock market crashes in 2000 under Clinton - good...
Economy on upswing under Bush - bad...
Clinton refuses to take custody of Bin Laden - good...
World Trade Centers fall under Bush - bad...
Clinton says Saddam has nukes - good...
Bush says Saddam has nukes - bad...
Clinton calls for regime change in Iraq - good...
Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad...
Terrorist training in Afghanistan under Clinton - good...
Bush destroys training camps in Afghanistan - bad...
Milosevic not yet convicted - good...
Saddam turned over for trial - bad...
Ahh, it's so confusing!

Every year an independent tax watchdog group analyzes the average tax burden on Americans, and then calculates the

"Tax Freedom Day". This is the day after which the money you earn goes to you, not the government. This year, tax freedom day was April 11th. That's the earliest it has been since 1991. It's latest day ever was May 2nd, which occurred in 2000. Notice anything special about those dates?


Recently, John Kerry gave a speech in which he claimed Americans are actually paying more taxes under Bush, despite
the tax cuts. He gave no explanation and provided no data for this claim.

Another interesting fact: Both George Bush and John Kerry are wealthy men. Bush owns only one home, his ranch in
Texas. Kerry owns 4 mansions, all worth several million dollars. (His ski resort home in Idaho is an old barn brought over from Europe in pieces. Not your average A-frame).

Bush paid $250,000 in taxes this year; Kerry paid $90,000. Does that sound right? The man who wants to raise your taxes obviously has figured out a way to avoid paying his own.
Pass this on. Not many days left until the election

Monger mongering

Backing up a few days to the last debate, a point of topic and a trendy new buzz conversation for political hipster doofuses, was the big "D", and yes, it is bad for your heath.

The Incumbent and his Lex Luther-ish nemesis have been slinging the draft question around like a side of hash at the greasy spoon lately. Unfortunately, you have to be daft to think in any way, shape or form either is going to be honest to say if they actually pondered the idea.

It may be more likely if re-elected that Bush would re-instate over Kerry, seeing he has nothing to lose, but for the moment that is speculation, if not a probability. Kerry, on the otherhand, seems more sincere in his charge he wouldn't bring it back and the president has the Texas cowboy shoot first, ask questions later steel balls gaul to do it. Still though, speculatonium, the pure element of speculation. But the problem remains there is insufficient overhead to accomplish what we have so righteously started.

But the statement that should stick in the pungent craws of people is the one accusing Kerry of "fear mongering" regarding the draft. This administration has made mongering it's signature move. What has been going on for the past 2 years? Polite nuances of explaining danger? Or rather trying to keep us scared to the point where we all wear depends so we can piss ourselves at the any given point when we are told we about to get prison raped by terrorism?

The administration has tried to use this marvelous notion over and over to try and sleaze themselves back into the White House's panties, up to and including exploiting one of the worst tragedies this country has ever seen to benefit their own needs.

So, monger on Senator Kerry. Monger on.

Does the fun ever stop?

Word on the street is the military is looking to cut the length of Unites States soldiers'excursion in freedom management over in Iraq.

Currently, troops are serving a year in Afghanistan or Iraq. The acting Secretary of the Army Brownlee peeped the Army Chief of Staff in an early October memo asking to have the length of time shortened. He wanted a plan for when the insurgency is stopped sometime roughly in the next 10 years. The secretary also noted Iraqi security forces are up to the task of securing stuff... but let's face it; they couldn't secure a handjob from a crackwhore.

It appears that the Pentagon is having slight difficulties scaring up the troops to cover rotations while making the service shorter and less stressful for the troops and their families. Well, no shit it ain’t easy. The Pentagon then issued a statement that they were forming a new "Bureau of the Obvious"

Recruiters are worried this might scare away potential recruits who see this as a one way ticket to fighting a war for a year. The Bureau of the Obvious could not be reached for comment.

As of yet, no timeline has been given as to when troops may see shorter tours. Brownlee noted,

"During the next few months, conditions permitting, we should begin to work closely with commanders in theater to examine potential reductions in tour lengths."

Making this the best idle, empty, positive information that has been passed on in some time. This is definitely a breath of fresh air.

SNAPDANGLE!

http://www.democrats.org/specialreports/veterans/families.html
http://www.democrats.org/specialreports/veterans/health.html

Just a couple of links pertaining to todays post. It seems that GIs refused to partake in a mission they had been given. Initially, the military did not indicate why, but the GI's were more then happy to say. There collective dong was left out in the damn breeze.

Side 1 of this situation, the GI's and there family are saying that the vehicles they are supplied with are under armored, slow and generally not suitable given the possible dangers of the mission. (Which, I'm not 100%, but I think it was a beer run.)

General James Chambers was quick to note all convoys are escorted, and also are provided air support in areas of high resistance. This of course has been so effective they are thinking of using Cadilac Escalades, just to show insurgents we kick ass and we're pimpin'.

He then went on to say that the soldiers had been placed in a separate location for questioning after their refusal to carry out the mission. But none have been detained or charged and are back on duty, at least until every one of them has an unfortunate "accident".

This creates more problems then a Brady Bunch reunion. First, if nothing is done, the military will surely be denounced for being too easy on unpatriotic, evil deserters. Second, if they do press charges or discharge the GI's, those against the war will see it as a military that doesn't care for the well being of it's troops. This is a classic 23 skidoo.

Ol' Georgie boy has yet to say anything, who knows if he will, what with having to appear competent and somewhat leaderesque all the time. Unfortunately, this looks like some bad mojo going on at a time when we are to be certian everything is going according to plan and couldn't be better, America #1.

With all the bajillions of dollars getting funneled like so much chocolate syrup down Oprah's throat and little accountability for a large portion of it in this war, you think a Texas cowboy would "cowboy up" and ream some asses and get this turd polished.

But I guess that's what he has planned for the next 4 years. This 4 was just to "shake things up" a bit.
Keep the troops in your thoughts and prayers, they've definately had better days.

The devil's in the details.

It's Friday. A wonderful night to unwind from the burden of the workin' man's game.
Unfortunately, I got booted from the pub tonight for debating the virtues of the democratic thought process. The exchange never got loud or wiley, it just so happened the person I was in a frank discussion with was friendly with the bar-keep and decided to use his "connection" to have me cut off.

So in the spirit of the evening/morning, let's have an open forum of good nights gone bad. Any ridiculous reason, any ridiculous circumstance.

Let's share, republicans and democrats alike.

Hip-hip-hypocrisy!

CNN Headline:

FCC won't prevent airing of anti-Kerry film, chairman says
Thursday, October 14, 2004 Posted: 5:52 PM EDT (2152 GMT)

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Federal Communications Commission won't intervene to stop a broadcast company's plans to air a critical documentary about John Kerry's anti-Vietnam War activities on dozens of TV stations, the agency's chairman said
Thursday.



Does anybody recall a certian made for T.V. movie made about a certian republican former president, whos name rhymed with "Ronald Reagan" that was black-balled from basic television? Yeah, me too.

This attack on Kerry, which allows for barely, if any time for any sort of defense for the senator will be aired on dozens of stations before the elections and a request to investigate the plans of the 'Sinister' Sinclair Brodcasting Group to brodcast the documentary two weeks before the election has been denied.

Michael "My dad ruined his career" Powell said there are no federal rules that would allow the agency to prevent the program. "I think that would be an absolute disservice to the First Amendment and I think it would be unconstitutional if we attempted to do so." The first amendment, it's #1!

While this is not the FCC's fault wholley, (they are jerks) it is interesting that a mini-series involving God fearing, tax cut loving, peace cultivating republicans can get run off of one station (but not because it was a political move *wink*) but an attack on a democrat who faked wounds and kicks puppies for fun gets to air on dozens of stations, no questions asked.

Hopefully Michael Moore's Farenheit 9/11 is not to far behind if this is the case.

Is it getting cold in here?

That's right, folks. Everyone's favorite creepy bastard showed up in Pittsburgh yesterday, programmed to act human. There's nothing quite like seeing a Millionare Halliburton Executive buying a pumpkin or ruining someone's night at a bar. What the hell is he gonna do with that pumpkin, anyway? My gut feeling is he might unhinge his jaw and swallow it whole, but one can't be sure.

To celebrate this blessed event, the Larkins Way in sponsoring a caption contest for two photos. The only rule is that there are no rules.

Who knows? the winner may get somethin'...




Good luck!

Operation: Presidency

Not moments after a balls to the wall debate, Americans America wide are saying, "I'm still voting for the other guy."

And why not? Prisident Bush came out of the cage like a kitten with razor sharp claws, who caught them on the rug and clipped them. This had to have been one of the most remarkable, well rehearsed turnarounds in awhile. Unfortunatly, the momentem lasted about as long as the idea of unemployment extension. In his defense, Bush seems to have been hooked on politics and was capable of working in a buzz phrase in his favor, of Kerry's, he questioned. (*Hint: Fiscal sanity)

Kerry, as per usual, top of his facts and figures game. If you could address the question but not quite awnser void of your own personal words, he was sticking it to Bush. There was a definite setting up, but not a full knocking down. But such is life trying to to cover too much in too little time. But, if a well rounded, well thought, well spoke, less incencere response was what you were looking for, you my friend were served it up hot.

Interestingly, The President came out very confident and slightly cocky, Kerry, very collected throughout and whittled Bush down to the blinking blank stare.

By the by, Bush never said he couldn't find Bin Laden and wasn't concerned.

"I don't know where he is. It's not that important. It's not our priority"
(Mar. 2002)

Snap! Guess that he did.

Flying the friendly skies

In a move that in no way should be considered threatening or proliferating, Pakistan tested a medium range, nuclear-capable missile today, because, why the hell not.

Defense officials noted that India was in the know about such dealings and this was in no way to be misinterpreted that Pakistan was testing a medium range, nuclear-capable missile. India expressed little reaction and was in no way shitting a brick.

President Gen. Musharraf plainly said that he was giving props to his nuclear wizards for making his borders impregnable in ways a giant condom couldn't. From who exactly? That sleazy bastard India. These two have been going at it like ally cats for decades, but are currently in the midst of peace talks. It's like trying to solve an argument with your spouse then smaking him/her in the face and saying not to worry about the smack cause the open palm hit won't happen.

But get this, it was produced in the Khan research facilities and copied after the North Korean "Nodong" missile. Nodong... coincedence or telling us something about someone's manhood?

*Bonus Fact! the same Khan who sold nuclear secrets to Lybia, Iran and North Korea,
but who was pardoned cause all and all he's good shit.

Thank goodness they're on our side, we would't want them selling secrets to enemies, or building a nuclear or chemical arsenal like Saddam was. That would be horrible.

Democracy, yo!

It's official, Afghanistan held it's first democratic election process in the average American god only knows how long ago, and the winner was... controversy.

Myself, much like many thought the elections would never pass like a stone through grandpap, but after hearing about launched investigations and the clamor of the other canidates calling for Hamid Karzai's victory to be nullified, it's beautifully clear that Afghanies have been paying attention to American politics and "playing this one by the book". The controversy now being that those who voted were marked with an indelible ink, which in fact, wasn't. Now the problem being people may be casting multiple votes like it's the finals for American Idol.

Magically, the UE has swooped in on it's golden steed to step in and offer fatherly advice. Maybe they should stop acting like the world police and let the losers duke it out in court like any sane democracy.

Condoleezza Rice, from our side of the green, filmy pond, stepped up to say the irregularities were minor and Afghan law would take care of it.
To which she added:

"Technical problems arise ... even in the most mature countries in the world"

That's right kids, "Technical Problems" is now the new buzz phrase for "Voter Tampering".

God bless you, Afghanistan. Welcome to sweet, clockwork precision democracy.

Happy Columbus Day

Day of rest, suckers!

Oh wonderful, non-judgemental Sunday. The one day of the week you can get up a little later and waste the day eating Cheetos and drinking tea, possibly booze if the thought of monday is too unbearable.

A magical day where the daily bumblings of the government and the rest of the world can't touch you. Unless you live in Isreal or Iraq, which if you do, you probably were just attacked with a car full of explosives... again.

A 24 hour period where you can let Bush and his ragtag band of misfits out of your mind while they get caught up in all sorts of comical mis-adventures and monkeyshines, like the time they busted old man McCain's window while playing stickball then accused him of being crazy for being a Viet Nam POW. Those incouragable scamps!

This is a day to live a little easier, assuming you don't have to work. Which if you do, that's not my problem, now is it?

So grab the paper, put on the game and take a nap. Afterall, this is a day of rest. All those horrible things to have to deal with will still be there tomorrow.

Why yes, I would like to buy some wood.

It's Saturday folks and after the massive political orgy that was the debate the winner is... Kerry. Or Bush, Depending on if it was a Republican or a Democrat telling you. I think the clear winner here was Lady America, that salty mistress both these men want to court.

Honestly, President Bush came across much better prepared and articulate then he did in his last debate, but if you're recycling all the prior material and rewording it over and over, you would too. Unfortunately, he still looked befuddled while Kerry spoke.

Sen. Kerry on the other hand, came across as very statesman like and richer then any of us will probably ever be. He is a very intelligent speaker who obviously has a penchant for facts and figures, who definitely read the "fun facts about St. Louis" on the back of the Denny's placemat.

Highlights include but not solely pertain to:

*Bush's tantrum where he basically told the moderator to fuck off cause he's about to lose his mind up in here, despite clearly breaking the rules of the debate.

*Kerry's "I'm going to nail you like a Yale cheerleader" smirk and attitude while Bush spoke.

*Kerry's assertion that President Bush received money and owned part of a lumber company. Which let's face it, made everyone think, "What?"

*Bush's 'I didn't know I owned a lumber company, would anyone like to buy some wood?' show-stopper zinger.

*The fact that it was proven to be true after the debate.

All in all it was a great debate and hopefully helped undecided voters to realize they are both rich and want to be President of the United States.

Don't you... forget about me.

Yikes!!

In a move bound to shake the "coalition of the willing" to it's very foundation, Poland may be filing it's seperation papers from old lady Iraq after the first of the year.

I'm sure "W" is stewing in a thick rich sauce of spoke-too-soon after announcing in his last debate as a counter point, that the war-service-exaggrating, baby-eating John Kerry forgot about Poland as an ally with a spot in his Hall of Justice, officially making Poland the equivelent of Aqua-Man.

I know much like myself you're thinking, "What the hell are we going to do without their 2,500 troops?!"

I'm not sure, but I know it doesn't involve troops not dying.

585,000 U.S. Jobs lost since 2001

Herbert Hoover would be proud.

Gettin' up on the get down

I just wanted to give a quick shout out to Russia.

http://www.newamericancentury.org/putin-20040915.htm

These crazy bastards our fiddling with the idea to get rid of direct elections. Regional leaders who once were elected by the people will in essence, be placed into power by the govt. In a twist of irony so delicious I'm asking for seconds, these would be the people decided who's who in the govenment.

Bush calls it "tyranny". I call it sweet, sweet communism.

The Red Scare might be coming out of retirement, folks! Not a moment too soon. Those clowns in China are a toothless lion compared to the Iron Curtian.

North Korea? Lot's -o- hype. Give me a good old vodka drinking, old school nuke proliferating, Chernoble cover-uping, KGB supporting comrade anyday.

Dig up Joe McCarthy! Reds are coming back under a bed near you!

Welcome back, old friend. Democracy was a fickle whore.

"The air is thick with foot,"

Per Motownian's suggestion, we will be kicking off a new categotry on the Larkins Way. "Things you smell in bars" will now be the kickoff poll on the new center of the internet. Be sure to get your comments in before the afternoon rush!

This is where the magic begins

Stay tuned for all of the latest info on things that matter to you most: Baldwins, Communists, and cheese.

Mostly cheese.