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TLW News top stories:

The president lobbied for 419 billion dollars for defense and the war effort today... also, in an unrelated story, the terror alert has been raised and it has been leaked out of the Pentagon that terror attacks are emanate due to lack of 419 billion dollars. So remain scared until W gets what he wants.

Condoleeza Rice had strong words for would-be terrorists today stating " If you got oil, watch your back. I'm sure you also have nuclear weapons we will need to forcefully dis-arm you of."

Donald Rumsfeld can still do no wrong. Don't ask questions, it's un-American.

Ted Kennedy was found hatching dubious plans with John Kerry to discredit about the president today, it was later determined former president William Clinton was ordering the tasteless smear campaign from his throne of liberal lies.

It has been decided to reform social security by investing half into powerball tickets, those who wish to can pick the numbers on their given amount. Obviously, this will fix the system. All praise republicans.

There is nothing wrong with the public education system that needs immediate attention, all formentioned monies will be channeled into the war effort against evildoers and those with ideologies of hate or they will kill you in your sleep.

It has been discovered that democrats will dissolve the fundamentals of American society and rename the country "Soullesslibralgaymariagebabykillinggodless Land" if allowed into power. That's as bad as being foreign or a terrorist, which is basically the same.

Tune in at the top of the hour to listen to two of our most narrow minded yes men argue why you are stupid for calling in to disagree with them.

TLW News: Fair & balanced, in our favor.