Union, how's your state?

Tonight is W's State of the Union Address. Surely he will outline all sorts of wonderous, fantabulous monkeyshines he plans on getting ol Uncle Sam into for the next four years. But you have to realize, to get his speech to a concise, coherant form

1) He's not allowed to write it
2) Many ideas need to be cut from it

Here at The Larkins Way, we have used our prowess, connections and beguilingly handsome charms to obtain a early rough draft of this magnificent political opus. Here, tonight, we will outline some of the lesser points that were unfortunately left out. So read on and see what is in store that you wont hear form the horse's ass's mouth.

*Every Tuesday is two for one corndogs in all public schools.
*An admendment to social security privatization includes betting on dice games held behind the White House.
*Dick Cheney wil be twenty-five percent less creepy.
*W will learn to pronounce 'nuculear' correctly. Everytime.
*Every couple who names thier newborn Haliburton recieves a no-bid contract in Iraq.
*Anyone making less then 25,000 dollars will be stripped of thier citizenship and deported.
*Anyone making more then 500,000 dollars outside of the U.S. will be offered no strings attached citizenship and a felt cowboy hat.
*Same sex marriage is now legal.
*Homosexuality, lesbianism is now illegal.
*Christianity is now a proud sponser of Nascar.
*An oil rig in every backyard.
*Don King to be crowned actual king; to wed Queen Latifah.
*Wil-E-Coyote placed on top of terrorist watch list.
*Yoshi to be placed on endangered species list at request of Super Mario.
*Middle East Peace Process replaced with Middle East Peas Process due to higher likelyhood of success.
*Wal-Mart to single handedly employ every Iraqi with a sub-livable wage job.
*A hug first ask questions later policy.

So, as you can see, there are alot of changes in store for us in this great land. It looks as if we're all gonna be kept on the edge of our seats!

Huzzah!