No Child Left Behind

What's going on here? It seems yet ANOTHER teacher has been caught diddling a student. This time, it was a thirty year old intern getting it on with a 16 year old student in a car behind the school with, get this shit, her KID strapped into the child seat in the back. Let that one sink in.

What the knick-knack-paddywhack hell?!

I can't get that sea-cow working the counter at Ponderosa to give me a second look, but this greasy, pimplely little turd is nailing an intern. An intern! I can't even nail a board. You're trying to tell me some freshman chucklehead who probably still spends his Fridays pretending to be an orc while playing Dungeons and Dragons gets an intern? No no no, something is not right here.

I could let this slide if it was an isolated event, but it's becoming more and more frequent and I'm losing more and more of my mind. If they were at least ugly you could say, "That's desperate, fool! I guess you gotta scrape the bottom of the barrel." But no, most of these teachers are fairly attractive leading me to believe the end is nigh.

I now know what needs to be done.

I'm going back to school, fools! I figure if I shave my beard, make myself look a little gawky and say I'm fifteen, I'll put all those prepubesnt clowns to shame. The kicker is, it wont even be illegal! That's good for the teachers bottom dollar. If I was squirrley once in highschool, by gum, I can be again and this time, I'll have dates on the weekends... with the teach!

David Lee Roth said it best, "I've got it bad, I've got it bad, I've got it bad, I'm hot for teacher" Watch out you nerdy little chumps, you've got some competition coming your way and I don't need a note to stay after class.

So sit down, shut up and listen up. Class is in session and professor love is gonna learn all your punk asses.